Up, Down and Around Our Town

2009 is here. We made it through the silly season, through the endless get-togethers and through the nasty weather that highlighted the holiday season. That being said, it is now time to take a look at the coming year with the thought that addition by subtraction may very well be the prime mover. Agree or disagree, here are my thoughts on this most important matter.

Billy Mays. Free us from Billy Mays as soon as possible. His voice, his movements, his product-pitching has now reached nauseating levels. It's one thing for him to pitch caulk; now he is even yelling at us for ESPN 360. Enough already. Go away and take your latest gimmick with you. We have other things to do.

Chris Berman. His act has gotten so old. His booming voice, his rancid opinions and his entire presence is now just plain irritating. As an ESPN pioneer, he was different in the 80's. He is just miserable now and the mere presence of ESPN has ruined a tremendous group of wannabe broadcasters who think that mirroring his act is the way to go. The thought of Berman doing anything with the first two days of the Masters in April almost makes my skin crawl.

Governor Rod. Go away. Do the right thing. You're not wanted. Not by the politicians who bought and paid for you and not for the voters who now want you gone. You are inhibiting the ability for this great state to be represented; it all comes down to ego. Your fifteen minutes are up. Take you and your foul-mouthed mate and move to Wisconsin. Tomorrow.

Paris Hilton. Why we feel that any degree of coverage is due this faker is beyond me. She is not a talent, she is not a spokesperson and she has never done anything other than take her clothes off and spend her family's fortunes. Enough already.

Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter. I say this with some degree of reluctance, since I have enjoyed their views over the years. But, with the Obama election, these folks seem to feel that picking at scabs that aren't there and creating controversy that is self-defeating somehow makes sense. One of the great values of this country is the ability to demonstrate free speech. Demonstrate some professionalism as well.

Billy Mays. Oh, we already did him.

Oprah. She entertains and pitches as well as any. She has been soley responsible for the revivial in reading books. She is rich, she is very smart and sometimes she is downright funny. But, she is running out of things to talk about and her narrowcasting of her bias for President Obama bordered on obsession. Not to mention the couch/Cruise episode. On the other hand, we all can relate to her own battle of the bulge. Face it - she's a southern gal who loves sausage gravy. Veggies only go so far.

Britney. Normally I would have left Britney off the chart. Since she started wearing underwear again, she has shown some real growth. However, it is a time bomb. She knows that her fifteen minutes are over. Here's hoping that she goes quietly. And as far as her sister goes, enough. We don't care.

Bristol Palin. Anyone smart enough to name a child with my name isn't all bad. And, wasn't it sad that poor old Levi decided to snuggle up to the governor's daughter. Who just happened to be the GOP VP Candidate. What dumb luck. Finish High School, get married and raise your son. It's that simple.

David Gregory. Don't like him and have never liked him. Two reasons. First, he isn't Tim Russert and he has no control over that. And I miss Tim Russert greatly. Second, he's no Tim Russert and never will be. This is how far the national news folks have fallen. My favorite Gregory moments involved his inability to frustrate the late Tony Snow at the White House Briefings. Snow would tie him up in knots as he tried to be cute. No talent here.

The View. Babs still packs a decent punch; Whoopie is a great hostess. Elizabeth is a whiny GOP mouthpiece and Sherry thinks she is funny. The one who should go? Joy Behar, who has gone from moderately funny to just downright irritating and mean. It's hardly a lovefest, but still has its moments.

Rosie O'Donnell. Her hosting of the NBC variety show in December shows how far the networks have fallen. Her nasty, condescending and blatantly political introspection leaves nothing for the viewer. She has some talent; she just believes she is some kind of political wunderkind. She isn't. Go away.

Ron Santo. Can't get enough of The Old Cub. Even with the Cubs collapse (again) in October, no one lived the Cubbie season better than #10. He belongs in the HOF and he and Pat Hughes offer the best entertainment in baseball. Listen to a WGN broadcast of the Cubbies. Who wins and who loses is almost unnecessary. Hearing the interplay between Hughes and Santo is just downright exciting.

Bill Fox. Sadly, we will bid him farewell this year. That will be a down day. Yet, the fine folks in Canton, New York will get his daily dose of optimism and insight. We need many more of these.

Billy Mays. He's everwhere. The only saving grace is that he wasn't the spokeperson for those Snuggies that hit the airways during December. Imagine that? A blanket with arm holes? Looks like something that the Patriots' Head Coach would wear or a bunch of unemployed monks.

Lindsay Lohan. Her career is done and the only thing more nauseating was her mother's ill-fated talk show. Grow up Lindsay, keep your clothes on and find something that you enjoy doing. Come to think about it - take the Kardashians with you.

My hero. She lit up the Christmas celebrations with her smile and laughter. While I am sure she didn't have a clue about the wrapping paper and the big meals, she was at the center of our world and was the finest gift (along with her most entertaining older brother) and made a couple of older folks incredibly happy. Not even Frank Capra could have done it better.

You probably have your list. Share them when the spirit moves you (just click on the reply button). As we start 2009, it is with optimism, although somewhat beaten up from the last quarter of 2008. But, we'll bounce back. Provided that Billy doesn't do the soundtrack. Till next week and as always, I remain...